Are the Capitals' Fans Truly Happy with Their Team? A Deep Dive into the 2025 Happiness Survey Results
Happy Boxing Day to all the Capitals fans out there, whether you're familiar with the holiday or not! For those who aren't, it's a day traditionally celebrated in the UK and some Commonwealth countries, but today, we're focusing on something much closer to home: the happiness levels of Caps fans regarding their team's players. Thanks to your diligent participation in the December 2025 Happiness Survey (available at https://russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2025/12/04/happiness-survey-december-2025/), we've gathered invaluable insights into how you feel about each player on the roster. These responses were then analyzed using our proprietary AI model, ChatPLD, whose advanced emotional valence capabilities (as discussed in https://www.404media.co/anthropic-exec-forces-ai-chatbot-on-gay-discord-community-members-flee/) make it the ideal tool for generating this comprehensive report.
This marks the inaugural Happiness Survey of the 2025-26 season, and here’s how we framed the question: On a scale from 1 to 5, how HAPPY are you to have this player on the team? The scale ranged from 1 (Very Unhappy to Have Them on the Team) to 5 (Very Happy to Have Them on the Team). Happiness, in this context, is subjective—it could mean anything from a player’s on-ice performance to their overall contribution to the team’s success. For me, it’s about getting a good night’s sleep and knowing the Caps are more likely to score when a particular player is on the ice.
Below, you’ll find the average happiness score for each player, along with their standard deviation, which measures the level of disagreement among fans (smaller numbers indicate greater consensus). I’ve also categorized players into subjective tiers based on their scores. But here's where it gets controversial: do these tiers accurately reflect the players' contributions, or are there hidden biases at play?
Contract-Term Superstars Tier
These players are fan favorites, and for good reason. But is their long-term security influencing their scores?
- Tom Wilson: 4.88 ± 0.49
- Logan Thompson: 4.86 ± 0.49
- Jakob Chychrun: 4.81 ± 0.54
- Ryan Leonard: 4.81 ± 0.56
What’s striking about this tier is the security these players bring—Tom and Logan are signed through 2031, Jakob through 2033, and Ryan will be a restricted free agent after next season. If the Ovi era is indeed winding down, the future looks bright with these players leading the charge.
Ovi Tier
The tier dedicated to the legendary Alex Ovechkin. But this is the part most people miss: his score has dropped since last season. Is this a sign of an end-of-career slowdown, or just a temporary dip?
- Alex Ovechkin: 4.76 ± 0.61
Ovechkin’s score of 4.76 is lower than his 4.88 from the end of last season, despite scoring nine goals in his last ten games. Is there a subtle shift in fan sentiment, or is this just a blip? I, for one, still believe he’ll sign an extension, but what do you think?
Core Tier
These players are the backbone of the team, but are they living up to expectations?
- Aliaksei Protas: 4.62 ± 0.69
- Dylan Strome: 4.47 ± 0.72
- Martin Fehérváry: 4.43 ± 0.73
- Matt Roy: 4.40 ± 0.73
Protas stands out in this tier, with a score 15 basis points higher than Strome (yes, I used the term correctly, and I promise not to do it again). Fehervary has shown improvement this season, and Roy remains a reliable presence. However, Strome’s goal-scoring pace is concerning—he’s on track for fewer than 20 goals for the first time since the Covid-impacted seasons. Is this a temporary slump, or a sign of a larger issue?
Depth Dudes Tier
These players occupy the middle ground, but are they underperforming?
- Charlie Lindgren: 4.26 ± 0.80
- Brandon Duhaime: 4.17 ± 0.77
- Rasmus Sandin: 4.16 ± 0.76
- Connor McMichael: 4.16 ± 0.79
While Lindgren has shown improvement, he’s still firmly behind Thompson. Duhaime, Sandin, and McMichael, however, seem to have regressed since the summer. McMichael, in particular, is at risk of finishing the season with single-digit goals. Is this tier in need of a shake-up?
Debate Lord Tier
These players spark the most disagreement among fans. But are these debates fair, or are they missing the bigger picture?
- Nic Dowd: 4.09 ± 0.87
- John Carlson: 4.07 ± 0.93
- Pierre-Luc Dubois: 4.02 ± 0.94
Dubois’s injury since October likely explains his score, while Dowd’s recent performance changes have been a topic of discussion (as explored in https://russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2025/12/24/the-tantalizingly-close-frustratingly-far-off-washington-capitals-snapshot/). Carlson, meanwhile, has faced more criticism than a TNR cat-rescue volunteer. Despite the backlash, he’s had only one negative season since Laviolette took over. Like Ovechkin, what he does works—but is that enough to justify his place on the team?
Some More Hockey Players Tier
This tier highlights players with room for improvement, but are they being given a fair chance?
- Anthony Beauvillier: 3.98 ± 0.75
- Justin Sourdif: 3.97 ± 0.82
- Ethen Frank: 3.68 ± 0.84
- Trevor van Riemsdyk: 3.53 ± 0.87
Beauvillier’s inconsistent performance and van Riemsdyk’s underwhelming season are cause for concern. Sourdif and Frank show promise in underlying metrics but struggle to score. Is this tier a reflection of untapped potential, or are these players simply not cutting it?
Part Timers Tier
These players see limited ice time, but is that enough to evaluate their true potential?
- Declan Chisholm: 3.23 ± 0.78
- Sonny Milano: 3.10 ± 0.92
- Dylan McIlrath: 2.97 ± 0.96
- Hendrix Lapierre: 2.71 ± 0.98
Chisholm leads this tier in ice time, but even he averages less than 15 minutes per game. Lapierre, in particular, plays fewer minutes than almost every other NHL forward. Are these players being underutilized, or is their limited role justified?
We’ll conduct another survey before the Olympic break, but for now, I want to hear from you. Did we get these tiers right, or are there players who deserve a higher (or lower) ranking? And more importantly, what does this survey say about the future of the Capitals? Let’s spark a debate—agree or disagree, I want to hear your thoughts in the comments!
